At the Tea Time Chat for women, we discuss even the most painful and secret issues openly. These episodes explore life’s flows and counterflows and various ways of coping, keeping up and finding joy. They result in profound, beautiful insights and advice based on life.
What occupies the mind is a timely question whose answer turns it into a fascinating story about everyday life. This story involves four women and four distinctive viewpoints.
What we were asked: “Please tell me your methods of facing and handling everyday issues out of your control.”
How we were drawn into the discussion: Life can only be controlled so much, right? You can plan, make choices and solutions and do things to the best of your abilities. However, the big things in life tend to happen the way they happen. Many things turn out differently than you would have imagined. What’s most important, is to do something about the things you can affect and not worry about the things you can’t.
Rituals and routines
“When I face external challenges, I do something good to myself, such as calm down by candlelight on a couch or take a walk.
I take a shower to wash away the day’s worries, light up the candles, make some tea and give myself the permission to go to bed early. These are my purification rituals when I feel distressed. In my opinion, action breaks the cycle of thoughts when I go somewhere else or start a routine.”
“Yeah, good point. When it’s stormy outside, your car breaks down, and your boss yells at you, a five o’clock meal, a Saturday night sauna or your favorite TV show can calm you down. I wish we could value our routines more and hold on to them.”
My grand grandmother used to say: “Be good to yourself as long as you have you.”
“I find rituals effective too. They make you feel safe in both good and bad situations. They also facilitate helping your support network, even though you can never solve other people’s problems. For example, you can take food to your wife, husband or friend. You can wake them up by a friendly phone call, ask them to join you for a sauna or a walk to ensure they get washed or fresh air.”
“There’s always something nice in my life, too. Only seldom does everything go sideways at the same time, and you can always focus on the nice things. When the kids test my patience and yell their heads off, I just adjust my home decorations more nicely. :)”
“One of my favorite idioms is ‘whatever happens, happens’. “
“Remember you’re lovely!”
Facing the uncontrollable
“What I don’t understand, is how to be open and brave about all the unknown things that come up in life. Even the opposites to what I would have wanted.”
“The way I see it, by having faith and accepting the situation. You don’t always have to fight, but you can find a path between the problems. I believe that what you give to others you will get from others.”
“To me, facing and handling uncontrollable things is letting them sort themselves out. Analyzing things and turning them over and over makes me anxious about what will happen and how. Sometimes I think of the worst outcome, accept it and realize it’s not going to kill me. Usually, every uncontrollable situation has something that you can control, no matter how small an aspect. If nothing else, at least you can decide how to look on it as you can always control your own thoughts. It can be just a small action in your control.”
“I like the way you think about controlling your own feelings. If there’s no other reason, you can enjoy the situation just for kicks.”
Part 2 coming soon. The discussion goes on…